Dark Thoughts

Shit!

I have been rescued,
And I was saved.
I thank you,
Thou is beautiful, sweet and ...

I hate you.
I hate you because of my Love.
I want...
I want...

I thought it would be so great
but it's not my fault.
Not since I was Seven.
Over 10 years.
-That's more than half my life...
-All of my teens.
I hate them who desensitized my emotions.

Now I can Love but I can't show it.
I want to but...
But I'm too afraid.
I don't want to be hurt.
I want it...
I want everything...

My shield is deep,
My shield is strong,
My shield is inpenetrable,
And it seems that my shield can't be controlled.

I would be shattered if
You got close, got inside and
then...
Killed, Murdered and Tormented...

I don't know what to do...
Public Portrayal is so false,
So Plastic,
So Loveless.

I am lost in an unexplored,
Unknown, Alien Environment
With Razor wire on the horizons
And pleasure, fulfilment and her beyond.
I want it all.
I want everything that...

I am glass, I am crystal, I am fine but
I
Am
Fragile

I break easily and cannot be repaired.

I am lost in the land of love.
That which I have wanted so long
I have; but is is real?
I can't see her feelings.
I don't know if it's true
I don't know.

It's frustrating but
Is there a NOT?

Maybe my choice was wrong?

I want it all so much
I want everything that she can give me
but I am paralysed
I cannot move.
I must be manipulated.

I am emotion on remote control
I want leadership
I lack experience, actually
My experience is measured to the left of zero.

That is bad!

And it's not my fault.

I want you-
I do!
But I can't reach.
You move away
You make it hard
-Like 300 Knot headwinds.

I read your message
I hear your notes
But secrecy causes Jealousy
And Torment causes Anger
And These are not me.
-These you cause and the unspeakable is the volatile catalyst.

Haven't you ever heard of spontaneous combustion?

My silver tipped tongue is eager to taste your gold-plated heart
But it's way is barred by quick action. You turn away
You go
Or...

...There are spectators waiting for a blood bath and
egging us on but turning me off.
I hate public scrutiny
I hate those jesting and making fun of me
I hate it!

Mental Scars never heal
And emotional scars are worse
And I am scar tissue
      -       -       -

I do
I will I want to
but - I can't......

Help me break through
But be kine - hold my hand,
Kiss me, hold me, taste me, feel me,

I am yours

BUT

Treat me kind
Lead me, Show me, Keep me,
Protect me, Love Me......
Love Me...
Love Me!

I will respond but I need nururing.
I am a seed waiting for warmth, water and a caring hand
And I hope that I haven't been taken for the wrong reason

I want to
I really do but I need your help.

Shit!

I do
I will
I Love You and
I will remember.

I Love You