Dark Thoughts

This is the most friggin frustrating day ever.

I'm trying to send a friggin email. That's all I want to do. Send a friggin email. I've been trying to send this friggin email for the last 8 friggin hours, and each time the SMTP server times out.

We're on satellite here. You know that expensive high bandwidth internet solution that is supposed to guarantee connectivity. Well let me give you a bit of news. All day today the most data I've been able to send in one go is about 200 friggin KB!!!

This wouldn't be so bad if that was the end of it. I'm trying to save my final report here, and apparently my C drive is full. Hmmmmm....

Let's see, when I look in explorer it says I've got 7 GB of free space. Where's the "Listen Mr computer - why don't you open your friggin eye's and see the wide barren landscape of platter space sitting in front of you begging for data to be written to it.

And if that's not enough the other guy in the office has just started playing this inane friggin turkish nasal whiney folk music. Sounds like they've set a cat on fire and recorded it.

The office is full of flies that just keep buggin the hell out of me, and they obviously haven't heard of flyspray here, or keeping the friggin door closed.

What have I done to deserve all of this today. Yesterday I was in such a good mood, but today someone's decided to wreak their vengeance upon me.

1 hour and 13 minutes left to go before I can send my junior met home and I can go have a shower, wire myself up for sound and partake in a bit of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.

If my day were to be summed up by Parsig, he would say that I had the mother of all gumption blockages today. The type where you need to leave the country, find an isolated spot and go to work on cracking the earth open with a large inanimate object. Parsig says that sometime you've just got to take a break, or grab a coffee.

Well no coffee here on site, so I've settled for some Turkish Tea, and have done what I can with breaks. I wish this were just boredom, but it's far deeper than that.

Heck - even my report's not going that well. I've got this set of numbers that simply does not make sense. We had this crushing circuit that was poorly set up and generated too many fines, so we opened up the crusher to let larger material through, and the next set of sizings tells me that the ore got finer.

WTF????

You don't have to be Einstein to work out that a 100 mm gap will let bigger rocks through than a 25mm gap and that big rocks will spend less time in the whirring fury of the crusher when the escape hole is 4 times bigger and hence get less pulverised. How the heck am I going to explain THAT in my report?

I vote that we completely cancel today due to lack of interest (to borrow a saying from a good friend of mine). If there were ever a day that deserved it, it's today.

Hopefully dinner will prove to be delicious, though if the rest of the day is any indication we'll be served up luke warm dog food on week old soggy bread crusts with only a straw with which to eat it.

I'm sure it's not all that bad. I just needed a place to vent, and this Blog is like my little window into the blackhole of cyberspace, into which I can shout without upsetting the neighbours. Hmmmmm.... I'm feeling better already. I think maybe my keyboard will stop working shortly due to the pounding that I've just given it as I've physically driven the message home by trying to punch the keys through the surface of the desk.

Aaaaahhhh - a bit of Enya on the iPod to calm a troubled mind......

Anyway, it's about time that Dark Thoughts had a few Dark Thoughts. Here's hoping for more lightheartedness and a return to happier climes tomorrow.

Still waiting for the friggin email.....

Closed tight from the winter rain
Tendrils entangled,
With an eye to the heavens
And roots in the ground.

Alone atop
Unable to see a reflection or the beauty of the garden beyond.

A gentle rain
A rainbow through the dewdrops
Settled on the green leaf that protects the scented petals within.

The beauty inside hidden from all

But a roses purpose is to bloom
To open
To perfume the world
Wigh blood red petals of velvet
Embracing the world

A metaphor of beauty and romance
Given with love
A tear is shed
And falls upon the petals
A rainbow through the tear drop
Illuminated by the sun

Yesterday was another of those surreal days when something gets thrown to you out of left field and you are expected to catch it. In this case, I was asked to give a speach to Turks about the impending heap leach operation at Çaldag here in Turkey. Half a day to prepare everything including the display and then to speak to people who can't understand a thing I'm saying was a bit of a task. What I didn't know however was that the TV camera's were going to be there from CNBC.

Anyway, I did the speach, got my mug on the TV (or will do when the finally show the piece on the box) and it all went well. I don't know how much of it they'll show, but I think the only thing that will go in is me sticking my hand into the leach solution to demonstrate that your fingers won't drop off when you do so.

It's funny, because such a thing can send mixed messages to people, because now they may think it's OK to go sticking their hands into concentrated acid streams, which is very uncool, and will in fact cause your fingers to drop off. Overall though, I think that it was more important to dispel some of the fear surrounding this project.

It's amazing the knowledge that we take for granted. Being from a country with a long and proud mining tradition, it's difficult to imagine what it would be like to be witnessing one of the first mines being constructed in my country. This coupled with a relatively low education level, and some blatant scare-mongering by some greedy lawyers and journalists has created a near panic in this region. True, there will be some dangerous chemicals on site here, but the safety systems that we are designing will hopefully keep people safe from the worst of them.

The general solutions used in the plant are relatively harmless if you get them on yourself, though you will experience a little discomfort when the contact your skin. Many people are worried about what will happen if the liquors leach into the subsoil, but seriously, two layers of 1.5mm HDPE coupled with the leak detection system all sitting in ground which is nearly pure limestone should keep this place pretty safe. If I was a local I'd be more worried about the raw sewage that gets discharged from the local latrines into the rivers and irrigation channels. I think that is a far greater risk to the environment, and everyone's health, but people have lived with this for hundreds of years, so it's a non issue for them.

Anyway, birthdays.

After trying to organize flights so that I can be with Jodie, we've given up. Flights are criminally expensive here in Australia. For the same price of a flight to Broome from Perth, I could fly from Perth to Europe, and have change for a hotel room. Not that I was going to let that stop me, but Jodie kind of refused to do the booking for me.

People have been warning me about women and money, but I think I'm one of the lucky ones who's girlfriend is actually stopping me from spending money. In any case I'll get to see her soon afterwards, and we'll do something special to celebrate.

The only other downside is that I won't get to meet Jodie's friends and family in Derby at this time. I was kind of looking forward to getting up to Derby for a bit of an unwind and to meet some new people. Heck I'm even missing out on cold beer - the injustice of it all.

It looks as though I'm going to be out of the country for my 30th which is a real pain, because I'll have to postpone my bouncy castle party :(

It will happen, but if I'm paying for the friggen thing, then I'm going to be there to enjoy it, dammit!

Anyway, I've got a big report that needs my attention that summarizes my work over here in Turkey, so till next time...

Being in Turkey has afforded me quite a bit of time to get back to reading books. I've finished three so far, and am about 2/3 of the way through the 4th, so here's my reviews so far.

Who Took My Money - Robert Kiyosaki
Another book from the Rich Dad series. The series itself is quite good, particularly for those who struggle from paycheck to paycheck. Rich Dad, Poor Dad, and Retire Rich, Retire Young are definately the best two in the bunch, but the rest are worth the read. Rich Dad's Philosophy is an interesting read and it is this book that is a precursor to Who Took My Money.

Basically this book follows the first investment experience of a young Rich Dad into managed funds (or mutual funds) and looks at investment from the point of view of a number of professions such as a banker, insurance salesman etc. It regurgitates much of what has been mentioned in previous books, but it does hilight that you need to do your own due dilligence when looking at potential investments rather than relying on the advice of someone who has a vested interest, such as your financial advisor.

Real Estate Investment and Insured Share Trading and options are again mentioned as good investments with owning your own business being the most highly geared and rewarding way of earning money. A couple of one liners in there that business ownership isn't for everyone, but still promotes it heavily.

Not a bad book. 3 1/2 dollar bill from your fiver.

How to Pay Your Mortgage off in 5 Years - Anita Bell
This is the second of this authors books that I've read. I'm not sure that I agree completely with Bell's strategy because I think I can better returns in investing in other assets than by paying off the loan, but it's still a good read. For those who struggle to meet their monthly mortgage repayments, this book is a must read.

If you really want to own your own house outright in the minimum time then the method outlined in this book will acheive that for you, though it relies on your own hard earned post tax dollars to do it.

Bell should be commended for the amount of detail that she uses in this book. The tables and appendices are useful and practical, and she gives anecdotes about what worked for her. If you want to learn to budget and start getting ahead financially then I recommend this book coupled with Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki and perhaps Noel Whittikers Making Money Made Simple.

Overall 4 houses, but not quite the hotel yet.

The Millionare Next Door - Thomas J. Stanley and William D. Danko
A fabulous book about who the real wealthy people in America are. I like their definition of wealth and their way of measuring progress. It's easy to apply it to yourself using their simplified formula's.

It appears as though there's no substitute for discovering how to do it yourself out of necessity and then excelling at it. This book shows pretty well that the key is to live frugally and below your means. It shows that most of America's self-made millionares have various methods of doing this. It also shows an interesting side in that inherited money is flowing out of the hands of the wealthy as they have not had the need to learn it's real value.

These guys have definately done their research and it shows.

I particulaly liked the section that discusses how to pass wealth on to future generations. I think many parents could learn a thing or two from reading this book.

Overall, the full million

Zen and The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance - Robert M Parsig
What a friggin fantastic book. I grabbed this off the bookshelf just before I left for Turkey not really meaning to read it, but am I glad I did. I've actually read this once before, and got an awful lot out of it, but this second read 10 years later is like a completely new book.

I've picked up different threads this time to what I did last time and it's provided a new launchpad for internal reflection for me.

I think that this is a book that everyone should read every 10 years of their lives. At the age of 10 you can follow the adventures of Chris and recognize the difficulty that he has relating to his father. At 20 you can learn that the motorcycle that is your life is best off being continually tweaked and maintained, rather than letting it break down. At 30 you can appreciate the sentiments about quality and stiving towards being a true craftsman in whatever you do. When you have children of your own you can sympathise with the struggle to reach out to your children and communicate with them. I'm not sure what this book has in stall for me as I reach my 40's 50's and beyhond. Perhaps a better understanding of the philosophy that is discussed, and an ability to be able to look back at it as Parsig has done. Perhaps we will all have a Phaedrus of our own that we can remember and analyse.

Overall Rating - this one hits the full Nirvana State. Just Read It.

OK - That's the Turkish Sessions book reviews this time around. Lots of motivational stuff there, but it's been an enjoyable journey.

Other news from Turkey.

I spen last weekend away with my friend Korai at some really nice beachfront places north of Izmir. Had a great time and did lots of unwinding. I've spent quite a bit of time conversing with Jodie in true multimedia style. It's difficult being apart from her, but I think we are growing closer because we are forced to communicate in ways that we might otherwise not do. I hope that we never lose that ability even when we are physically close.

There was a bit of a fight here at the camp the other night. Apparently some bloke got a bit upset with his work and with his bosses so decided to take matters into his own hands. Some of the other workers did the sheep thing and got into the whole mob mentality thing. Couldn't find the bloke that they wanted to rough up so took a swipe at some blokes car puting a nice dent in the front fender. Lots of sorting stuff out by the staff here all day yesterday and lots of high emotions, but I think everything is quite a bit better now.

We've got a barbecue on site this evening where I need to make a bit of a presentation about exactly what it is that we'll be doing. Dunno what I'm going to say, but I'll probably print out some photo's from the Radio Hill operation, and show them what we're doing with the ore.

Hopefully it will all go down well.

Anyway, I best be back to it.

Till next time

Well, I'm one step closer to spending the next 2-3 years in China. I'm awaiting some extra details outlining exactly what my role will be if I decide to go to China, and Jodie seems keen on coming with me if I do go. It will be an adventure, and somewhat of a frightening concept.

Uprooting my life, and that of Jodie to pursue a career advancement in a foreign country where I can't even read the letters let alone speak the language is pretty darn scary. I'm not sure what to expect, though I'm sure we'll be able to cope. I think the biggest challenge will be the language, and I'll be pushing for lessons in Mandarin before I leave. Six months should be long enough to get the basics sorted out if I work hard at it.

The other issue is what am I going to do with all of my stuff. I've just got myself settled in my house in Perth and things are going pretty smoothly. Now I have to work out whether we are to rent the house out, and if so, just where am I going to store my stuff.

Also on my mind is the feelings of my housemate. We've got a good partnership happening with the house purchase and in many ways I feel like I'm leaving him in the lurch somewhat. I'm not walking away from the deal that we made, but some hard decisions are going to have to be made in the next month.

In so many ways I'm quietly changing the direction of my life, taking a turn that is one of life's choices, but I feel that the ripples will be felt by many. I hope that this doesn't put anyone off balance or cause some sort of butterfly effect catasrophe.

It's humbling sometimes to consider the scope of your influence on the world. When I think of how many people I know, and how many close friends and family I have it can be a little overwhelming.

Anyway, I'm inspired to write a poem about this, so if I don't loose the feeling, then you'll all be reading it soon.

Until Then...

OMFG traffic is one hazadous thing.

In just over 2 weeks I've been in a car that a bus ran into, been in a car that hit a bicycle carrying two children and had about half a dozen near misses.

It's not that the road system is bad or anything, but just that people seem to be completely uneducated in road rules. The kids, for example, in the city that we pass through simply don't look out for traffic. The goats have more road sense. It's frightening to travel by road through these areas.

On a more positive note, the company that I am working for are intending to start road safety lessons at the local schools.

Other than that Turkey is a hoot. If you get a chance then get over here. Izmir is great, as is Foca, but the computer keyboards suck seriously with all these extra letters all over the place.

Anyway, a cold can of Efes Bira has my name written on it down at the local pub, so catchya's all later.

Shooting Stars
A streak of black
Tails intertwined as they tumble towards each other,
Towards Infinity,
Towards their destiny.

On fire,
All flame.
So peaceful.
Such perfect harmony as they arch across the sky hand in hand.

Cratered Surface
Worn by work
Pocked by the savage environment of life in a vacuum
Forever Tumblng
Forever Soaring.

There is no difference in a world with no up - no direction.
The journey is hi-light
That brightens the sky with spectacular fireworks as it entwines itself, around another.
Across the gazes of those that wonder at the courage and strength required for such a journey.
Always too comfortable to climb the ladder to the launch pad.

Always content.
Always sad.
Always gazing
With their butterfly nets at the ready to ensnare a unique specimen and drag it back down to the ground.

Serated Razor wings, this pair!
Shining, sparkling in the cool blue twilight.
Forever in defence, carefully dance upon the starlight as electric blue sparks trail in their wake.
They unravel the net cast upon them and soar,
Once again through the fading twilight to their domain of night.

Again -
Shooting Stars.

Well, I made it to Turkey.

Things have been manic, these last few days. So much work that needs to be done, in such a short period of time.

I'm quite lucky because I'm over here with a metallurgist who has a lot of experience, and who I work well with. We've actually worked together before, and he has a wealth of experience. We are learning a lot from each other, even at this early stage of the project.

It's actually quite difficult trying to achieve what we've been asked to do. There are a lot of very tight deadlines made by people who have an interest in keeping investors happy rather than any type of realistic project plan. Anyway, we'll do our best to walk the razor between the two aspects of the job.

Turkey is a great place. Fantastic climate, nice people and even the traffic isn't too hectic. Turkish as a language is proving difficult for me to grasp. I'm not sure why, but Chinese seems infinitely easier. Perhaps it's because Chinese is so completely foreign, whereas many of the Turkish words and characters are very similar to English.

I wish Jodie was over here with me. I think she'd really enjoy it.

Speaking of my fabulous lady, we had a great chat the other night. We talked about a few bit's and pieces and even got down to a bit of DMC. She asked me to do a little compatibility quiz, which was fun in itself, but it also got us talking about some deeper issues which I really valued. Strangely there were not very many surprises, which I think just show's how open and honest we've been with each other. Even so, I think that having these little reminders from time to time is great.

She also sent me a really long SMS (actually I didn't know that SMS's could span 5 messages), but she talked about an almost subconcious pushing me away. Strangely I can understand this, because I often have the same feelings. I can't quite put my finger on "why" I (and apparently others) do this, but I tend to think that it might some sort of sub-concious test. I'm not sure what it tests, but it's like a gentle nudge away to give each other room before the heart catches up. Perhaps it's a change over in feelings from the initial lust and puppy love at the start of a relationship to the deeper and more serious love and the long term bond that forms. Often it is this time that people work out that they shouldn't be together. For some reason, I think that the result will be different in this case.

Anyway, it was great to hear her voice last night, and it made me realize just how much I miss being able to hold her in my arms.

Soon we'll be able to again.