Dark Thoughts

Well, Jodie and I had a bit of a moment last night. I don't know if I would call it an arguement as such, but we seemed to have managed to put each other on edge a bit.

What happened was that she sent me an SMS, while I was gaming with my housemate. We were in the middle of a pretty intensive Starcraft battle with some Big bad Doobies and Starcraft, being one of those games that rely on doing lots of stuff instantatneously kinda precludes taking a break to respond to an SMS.

Anyway, I think Jodie really wanted to speak to me right at that point in time, and the problem with SMS's, being a written text medium, intonation, and the sense of urgency normally detected in speech simply doesn't come across, so I thought that the message was just an message of endearment. A short message to remind me that I was on her mind.

Unfortunately, Jodie really did want to speak, and took my silence as some kind of avoidance. A second message about an hour later gave me the impression that I'd really done something wrong. Anyway, to cut a long story short she became angry, and I became confused, and somewhat worried.

As it turns out Jodie has a lot on her mind, especially with the future looming, and many decisions to be made. It's also her birthday soon, so it's a time of inner reflection for her, and to top it all off, I appeared to be ignoring her.

Anyway, the night progressed with yet more SMS's, of which again there was feelings and true intents clouded by the lack of intonation with the SMS's.

In the end I've concluded that SMS's, while convenient, can be menacing at times. Sometimes the tone of the voice and the lack of feeling expressed in the actual comunication can cause the written word to be misinterpreted. I am now officially a victim of that phenomenon.

Friction is one of those things that happens when to objects aren't moving together, which was the case for Jodie and I last night, though to call us objects is pretty impersonal, but probably more correct from a bigger picture definition of friction). There was some heat, some sparks and noise generated when our directions clashed. In some way's it's a good thing, because it reminds me that I need to consider that sometimes direction changes can occur, and it reminded me that I need to keep my guard up for it.

It also reminded me that I need to be wary of not taking Jodie for granted. It's strange what we come to expect of one another, and sometimes we don't realize that there is effort behind those actions. Sometimes we need something to bring this fact to our attention, and last night was one of those moments for me. While not a pleasant experience at the time it I hope that we are a little closer because of it.

It's strange because the song that I am listening to right now seems very relevant.

I don't want to say I'm sorry
Because I know that there is nothing wrong
Don't be afraid, There's no need to worry
Because my feelings for you are so strong

Hold me in your arms, and never let me go
Hold me in your arms, because I need you so.

I see it in your eyes
There is something, something that you want to tell me
I see it in your eyes
There is something that you have for me.

I see it in your eyes
There is something, something that you want to tell me
I see it in your eyes
There is something that you have for me.

I don't want to say I'm sorry
Because I know that there is nothing wrong
Don't be afraid, There's no need to worry
Because my feelings for you are so strong

Hold me in your arms
Hold me in your arms, and never let me go
Hold me in your arms, because I need you so.

I see it in your eyes
There is something, something that you want to tell me
I see it in your eyes
There is something that you have for me.

Is there a reason why, there is something,
Something you want to tell me.
I see it in your eyes
There is something that you have for me.


Kind of apt I think.

Anyway, I'll be seeing her again on Friday, when I go up to Derby to meet her parents. A little daunting, but is should be fun.

Till then - Doobie Trashing with my housemate, until those messages come through ;-)